Sex and religion. It's not a topic we've seen tackled in many blogs and it's definitely not talked about much...at least in the context of marriage. I know in most sex/erotic blogs spirituality may be thrown in for good measure but there's no real talk of religion. This post has probably already turned most people off, but if you've stuck with us this far...why not just finish off this post? (There will be a payoff at the end I promise). I've said it before, in "polite" society parents don't talk about sex. Parents don't talk about sex to their kids, their friends, the community or even each other. Fucking is something that happened once, brought kids and is now relegated to the once a month, once every anniversary, once a birthday time frame. Well I call bullshit. I have kid(s) and a wife...I have sex just as much now as I used to. The quality of it has probably gone up too! (Ask Elle about that one)
Emile Durkheim and Mircea Eliade mused about the Sacred and Profane, both their distinctions and similarities. Durkheim said these two terms describe religion, the actions and thoughts that are forbidden were considered Profane. To cross into the Profane was to abandon the goodness and positivity of your religious belief. My question is...when did sex become Profane in "western" culture? I grew up in a Catholic household that eventually went protestant. I got one "birds and the bees" talk and I never heard my parents talk about their sex life. Not that I should have, I just knew sex wasn't a topic to EVER discuss, let alone joke about.
You could talk for days on different religions and their morals but let's focus on Christianity for today. Again, you could break it down so heavily we could be here for hours, so lets just go with the main division: Catholic and Protestant.
In Catholicism, using the words of Monty Python, "every sperm is sacred." No wanking, masturbating, flogging the dolphin, beating off, jerking it, spanking it, twerking it or rubbing one out. God forbid anal, blowjobs, footjobs, earjobs or whatever other job you can think of. Traditionally the only type of intercourse that should happen is for baby making purposes only. Oh and NO FUCKING BEFORE MARRIAGE! We all know how well Catholics follow those rules.
The pope wants you to cut that shit out Dusty!
In most Protestant religions the rules aren't much different. Sex before marriage is still frowned upon, although you can be forgiven for it so...yay! The bjs, hjs, fjs and other js are a little hazy; it's not acceptable but God is definitely not going to strike you dead if you do it (although some don't even allow dancing so the scale of severity certainly slides). Either way, Protestants would rather choke on an eggplant than even mention sex, God forbid their kids, brothers, mothers, fathers and sisters have any sexual thoughts!
I see where this is going Elle...don't tell anyone!
You know what? I do believe in a God. I do think there's some sort of grand design. There's too much logic and evidence proving me wrong, and maybe that's why I believe. But I do think there's a big old something somewhere above and/or below us. Yet I also believe that the most spiritual experiences of my life have been through sex with my wife (music too but that's normally occurring at the same time). How could a god create "soul mates" and then forbid you to experience and enjoy each other to the fullest extent. If that extent is anal, swapping, foot fetishes, bondage, homosexuality, heterosexuality or sadism why wouldn't you pursue that to the fullest extent with your life partner? If you enrich yourself in love you can pour it out to the world. Seriously, who wants to deal with a miserable fucking prick (excuse the pun) who can't have sex with his partner over a passionate, fulfilled, happy individual who takes chances and is confident (and comfortable) with him/herself. Much sexier!
That distinction pretty much skews me from most religions but I think it's more of a sin to be dishonest with yourself and live a lie rather than attempt to display or distribute the passion and soul you were created with . Any God of mine built us all in harmony and love...I don't see how you should or could deny anyone of that.
I know this is ranty and most likely not interesting to anyone but if you made it this far and are still interested, Lana Fox (@foxlana) writes a passionate series of blogs on Sexuality as/and Spirituality. Does thinking about God or religion kill your moods or turn you off? If you dislike this post, in the words of a reader @JuniperMaple "If they're offended CY talk about religion they'll surely be offended by naked pics...
Not to leave you hanging because I did say there would be a payoff, here it is small and simple...
Thanks so much for this wonderful post! And, of course, for mentioning my blogs too. You're golden to spread the word so lovingly and wisely. -Lana
ReplyDeleteWhat a truthful and intelligent article, and thanks for the mention (though I'm embarrassed by my spelling mistake!) Although I wasn't bought up in a terribly religious household it was relatively strict without the slightest mention of sex, and my family home remains so today. It has and still does taken me a lot of angst to reconcile the way I grew up with the way I feel about sex now. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThank you both! Lana, we do really enjoy your blogs and were delighted to see that someone else thinks and has conversations about spirituality, religion and sexuality. Juniper, thanks as always! What kind of reconciliation did you have to do? I know our biggest issues were with things we had done before marriage but we shed those pretty quickly!
ReplyDelete-D
It's mostly a reconciliation between a straight-laced, don't talk about sex upbringing and trying to be relaxed, open and laid back enough to express myself as an adult in a relationship. My husband had a much more open minded up bringing and is more able to express himself (sexually and in other ways) but I always feel embarrassed to admit how I feel.
ReplyDeleteOn the point of religion though, when we got married in Church yes it was awesome, but I couldn't help feeling a bit uncomfortable about the sexual aspect of getting married, in front of so many family members!!
I felt the same way. When we got married in the church it was weird knowing that people talked about how we will be "consummate" our marriage. For growing up, not really being allowed and welcomed to talk about sex and everything great about it, it was strange that just by the thought of a bond by the church all of a sudden it was the topic of the night. I grew up Catholic and my parents didn't condone sex before marriage. I lied to them when they asked me when I was in college just so I wouldn’t upset them. But really I had started having sex when I was in high school...I was lying all that time. I guess what I am trying to say is maybe if parents weren't stuck in their religious beliefs then maybe they would be able to be open about sex. It would probably be approached differently and teenagers wouldn’t have to lie or hide their sex life from their parents. This obliviously could lead to lots of statistics to be less... (i.e. teen pregnancies, high school dropouts, teen depression, etc.)
ReplyDelete-Elle